Dear 2024,
Well this is starting to become a bit of a habit. Last year, I was sat writing to your predecessor in a hotel in Prague. This year I am writing to you from my study, sorry the location isn't a bit more exciting. Well... as promised we've had an amazing year together. Another year of 'firsts'. Another year of affirming the call God has made on my life.
January started with a bang, a trip to Durham for Graduation. Celebrating with friends the academic success of 3 years of theological training! Having opted to continue on a postgraduate academic pathway in curacy, the studies are far from over. Occasionally I wonder why I made that decision - usually when a 7,000 portfolio deadline is looming. But I really enjoy learning and seeing how that relates to my ministry. I'll be honest, writing to you is currently me proscrastinating from starting the next portfolio due at the end of Feburary... some things never change. I'll get to Eucharistic Hospitality later! February was fairly uneventful, first Pancake Party, Ash Wednesday and start of Lent.
End of March was first Holy Week in parish. A much calmer affair than a Holy Week in Mirfield, but still full in its own way. Monday-Wednesday were quiet, before the business of the Triduum. I was invited to Deacon for the Chrism Mass at Christ Church Cathedral in Oxford on Maundy Thursday (one of the 'new deacons' are asked each year). This is the annual service where the new oils are blessed and clergy renew our ordination promises. Then that evening I sang the Gospel for the first time (I had supposed to do this at Midnight Mass but had lost my voice).
After Easter the focus shifted. Now we looked towards June, Ordination to the Priesthood and First Mass. All of a sudden all the things we said we do 'after Easter' were now. Preparing for becoming a Priest. All of a sudden it became a reality. I did my best to enjoy those last few months of being 'the Deacon', whilst looking ahead to what the second half of you, 2024, would look like. 2 Days before my priestly ordination I reflected on mission in the Church of England, as I reflected on my own priestly calling. I ended by sharing a poem from the book I had chosen to read on retreat Presiding Like a Woman edited by Nicola Slee. The poem, written by Nicola, shared its name and ends:
This is how we do it: not really thinking how we do it but doing it; not naming it for what it is but sometimes, in flashes, recognizing the nature of what it is we do: the calling, the gathering, the creating of community, the naming, the celebrating and lamenting of a people's sorrows and joys, the taking of what human hands have made, offering it with thanksgiving and blessing, the breaking, the fracturing of so many hopes and expectations, to discover something unlooked for, new, beyond the brokenness; the sharing of what has been given by others; the discovering that, even out of little, hungers are fed, hurts healed, wounds not taken away but transfigured - the bearing, the manifesting of the body of God, the carrying in our bodies of the marks of the risen One; seeing the light reflected in each others' eyes, seeing Her beauty mirrored in each one's softened face.
I was particularly struck reading this 2 days before my priestly ordination. Reading this 192 days after my priestly ordination it seems to resonate even more profoundly. An acknowledgement of where I am. I don't often think about being a Priest, I just (for want of a better phrase) am, and presiding feels so natural and beautiful every time I do it. But every now and then, the Eucharistic Prayer catches in my throat and I remember. I remember all that has come before, all that continues, all that is ahead. I remember the momentous call that I have not only received, but answered. The weight of that calling, which we are reminded at ordination we are not called to bear alone. 194 days ago this poem spoke to me, although at the time it was not clear how significant it would be.
Sorry 2024, I went off on a tangent a bit there... so June... I was ordained a Priest and presided at my First Mass. I was nervous before the First Mass, but not as much as I thought I might be. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, and it felt so right and so natural. What followed was absolutely bonkers!! I continue to use that word, there really isn't another word I can use to describe it. I won't bore you with all the details, you can read them here: https://www.myclergymusings.co.uk/post/100-days-a-priest. But let's just say that you certainly wouldn't plan for your first full week of Priestly Ministry to be like that, but I also wouldn't change it!! I was extremely grateful for my 12 months as a Deacon.
And so 2024, the rest of our time together has just ticked along nicely. 5 weddings and 5 baptisms completed, along with a whole raft of other firsts and seconds... but different. Taking my first home communion as a Priest, taking my first Mattins as a Priest, taking my first funeral as a Priest. These all felt significant and prompted me to stop and think, not least because there were words that I could now say that I couldn't previously.
We ended this year together with my first Christmas as a Priest. I think I'd underestimated the significance. Especially that of Presiding at Midnight Mass (and yes, before you ask I did have a voice this year and was able to sing!! Just...). I'm not sure I have words yet to reflect on that evening, except that my heart was so full. So, sorry, but they might have to be for 2025 to learn.
So, 2024, you've been a joy, a delight, a triumph. I have appreciated everything you have offered (or thrown at) me. But soon it is time to say So Long. 2025 is waiting in the wings to take your place. I don't know what it will bring, there will be some more 'firsts as a Priest' - namely Lent, Holy Week and Easter. There will be more portfolios to write and reading to do. And I will enter the last formal year of my curacy... eek! with sign off around June 2026 and then 12 months to find a post. So I guess 2025 will bring continued growth and learning. Further understanding, or appreciation, of what my Priestly Ministry looks like. One of the things I have learnt most from you 2024 is that it is always changing and adapting, whilst remaining rooted and grounded in itself.
Farewell 2024, enjoy the last hours you have left. Thanks for being you, thanks for guiding me through the last twelve months - I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for all the people you sent (and continue to send) to support me. And whatever 2025 has to offer, I'm ready and waiting.
Yours faithfully,
Kayleigh
Comments