This is one of those Sunday’s when I personally find that the Year B lectionary doesn’t quite give you what you want – mainly because we’re journeying through Mark’s Gospel – the shortest of all the Gospels. At times Mark’s brevity is appreciated – giving you the hard facts and not getting stuck in the details. But at other times it can be a bit frustrating. If it was last year or next year we would be getting a lot more detail about Jesus’ time in the wilderness, including the ways in which he is tempted. But today, all we get is: ‘And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness for forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him’ a mere 34 words. That’s not even 1 for each day Jesus was in the wilderness.
For the First Sunday in Lent, I was expecting a bit more about wilderness.
But we start with Baptism, which seems fitting, our Christian journeys started with Baptism. So, Jesus’ journey to his public ministry starts with his baptism. Except unlike with our baptisms – I hope – Jesus is then immediately driven out into the wilderness for 40 days. A time of testing and temptation, remembering the time the Israelites – God’s Chosen People – spent 40 years in the desert following their Exodus from Egypt. Jesus is sent to the desert to prepare for his ministry – he goes from a moment where he feels closest to God, to a moment when he feels furthest away – particularly when we look ahead to the end of these 40 days and Jesus’ words on the Cross ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’
I am sure we can all relate to those mountain top moments, when we feel closest to God, and those wilderness moments when God feels so far away. Lent is a time for self-examination, a time to reflect on yourself and your relationship with Jesus and with God. There may be times over the next few weeks when you feel at the top of the mountain, and there may be times when you don’t.
Whilst I was on retreat our Retreat Conductor, Fr Nicolas, talked about Jesus’ invitation to follow him. That invitation that he issues to each of his disciples, rocking up at their homes or places of work and calling them on a journey. A journey to who knows where, with a man they have just met, with no sense of what might happen – and I’m sure none of them felt, at least at the start, that it was going to end the way it did. That they were risking their lives. Reflecting on this Fr Nicolas stated that the problem with following Jesus, is that you are always looking at the back of his head. It can be hard to trust someone if you never see their face. You can’t read their expression – who knows what this person might be leading you towards.
That’s what those wilderness moments might feel like for us, knowing that we are members of the body of Christ through our baptism, knowing that we are called to follow Jesus, but not knowing where that might take us. Staring at the back of his head, wondering if this is the right thing to be doing or whether we are in fact completely bonkers. Questioning why on earth we do this, even more so when that might come at a cost, or in today’s society when we are seemingly in the minority. Is it really worth it?
Don’t panic, Fr Nicolas didn’t leave us there in the doom and gloom. ‘The problem with following Jesus, is that you are always looking at the back of his head, but every now and then he glances over his shoulder to check on you’. Those little glances give us a glimpse of his face, maybe a reassuring smile, an acknowledgement in his eyes that everything is going to be ok. That he is still there. That he has got you. Those little glimpses can be enough to reassure us that we are doing the right thing, going the right way.
And then: ‘The problem with following Jesus, is that you are always looking at the back of his head, but every now and then he glances over his shoulder to check on you. And then a little further on, you stop for a picnic, you spend time together, you have a conversation’.
This full phrase has stuck with me ever since.
Recently I went to see The Little Big Things, a musical based on a book about the life of Henry Fraser whose life changed at the age of 17 when he had an accident. I would recommend seeing it, but it closes in a couple of weeks (though hopefully it will be back). In it, Henry talks about Sliding Door moments – those moments when we have a decision to make and when we look back, we wonder what would’ve happened if we had made a different one. For Henry, it was the moment he tried to go on holiday to Portugal, but his passport had expired, his dad found a place that could fast track his application and he could join his brothers 2 days later. It was on the holiday that the accident happened. Then later he faces another sliding door moment – to give up or to live his best life – although this new life would be nothing like his old one. He chose the latter and started mouth painting.
Whether at our Baptism, or later in life, we made a decision to follow Christ – like those first disciples – our sliding door moment. We had no way of knowing what that would mean or where it would take us. But we were open to finding out. It wasn’t – and won’t – be easy, we know that because we know what others in history have faced – but those first disciples didn’t. At those times when it is tough, and we find ourselves staring at the back of Jesus’ head we face further sliding door moments – push on or walk away. Each time Jesus glances back we have another, does that look spur us on or leave us lacking. And then there are those big moments when you stop for a chat – again it can either inspire or not.
This Lent, I will be taking some time to remember why I made the decision to follow Christ, and the decisions along the way. I will take more time to appreciate those quick glances or picnics as I seek to deeper my relationship. Maybe you’d like to join me.
Amen.
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